Let me backtrack a moment to January. Remember when it seemed like all the cool kids were picking their "word of the year" to focus on as an intention? People picked things like "balance" or "space" or whatever. I thought about it and couldn't figure out the perfect one.
At least not right away. I didn't pick one until March, when Pamela Susan contacted me about sending me her "A Wish For You" necklace. The front has a dandelion and the back is where she stamps your wish word. Just one word and not just for a year but for the rest of my life. What was my wish?
But what the hell does that mean? Feeling "fulfilled" probably looks very different from person to person I imagine. For me it usually involves chaos. This is me, right now as I'm typing:
My craft room is a total wreck, there are piles of trash and boxes everywhere. Random toys are piled everywhere that I still haven't put away on the shelves. I haven't had a shower in several days. My hair is just tied into a knot. I have zero makeup on. I wore this shirt yesterday. I haven't eaten breakfast yet and it is past noon.
Did you notice my glasses? Oh yeah, they are taped together with green duct tape thanks to an unfortunate mishap with my 20 month old being "helpful" last week. And I can't get new ones for a few more weeks.
This morning, my husband took the boys to the park for me to have a little time to work on my websites. He'll be home any moment and "work time" will be over and it will be back to focusing on the kids and he'll leave for work. I have trouble with this pressure of "work NOW...okay...STOP and be a mom" and feeling like I'm on a timer. Knowing that I have only about 15 minutes of time left it is impossible to be productive or start a project that I won't want to stop. So I'm writing here instead.
This all sounds like I'm complaining. But I'm not. This what being "fulfilled" looks like to me. I've come to terms with it. Every time I think I need to quit and just focus on just one thing because it would make my life easier and my hair cleaner I can. not. do. it. I can't let anything go.
I need to have it all. I need to be a wife, mama, artist, crafter, gardener, decorator, homemaker, writer and have a career. And free time to write on this blog and do other frivolous things just for me. It is total chaos and it involves days without showers, busted glasses and just general imperfectness.
But I'm fulfilled. And that is perfect.
What does "fulfilled" look like to you?