Black widow spiders. I hate 'em. We have them at our new house and lots of them. They breed in the Ivy patch (which we're ripping out this weekend) among the moving related trash that has accumulated on the side of our house (being hauled away tomorrow) and as if that wasn't bad enough, I found one in the closet under the stairs in the house two days ago. In. My. House.
While finding a black widow spider under the stairs sounds appropriately cute and spooky around Halloween, I am not amused. In fact, I'm feeling downright psychotic over this. Like, real, palpable anxiety over it. I hallucinate seeing them. When I walk in a room I look in every corner. When I pick something up off the floor I shake it. I'm afraid to unpack boxes that have been sitting in the garage because I'm certain a widow is hiding in it. In fact, I don't like to even go in the garage. Or in the yard. If I see another one in the house we'll have no choice. We'll have to burn the house down.
Do I sound crazy? I do, don't I. I can't have arachnophobia if I only fear black widows, can I? Other spiders are downright cuddly compared to these poisonous widow bitches. I just fear the widows.
Yes, I know they aren't trying to hurt me. They are solitary, non-aggressive and don't move around much. Only the adult females are poisonous. Yes, a single bite from one can kill a person but yes I know that nobody has died from a bite in the US for 10 years. However, I also know this is because when people have symptoms after being bitten they go to the hospital. I don't wanna go to the hospital or bring my kids to the hospital because we dared to play in the yard!
We've always been a "catch the spider/bug in a glass and carry it outside" family but not when it comes to these suckers. These get the boot. As in smashed with a boot. I know, I know, I should love all nature's creatures and she is poisonous because she is just trying to protect her young. But so am I. The widows gotta go, they aren't welcome here!
I think my intense reaction over this spider thing is a combo of new house (unfamiliar territory), new baby (hello hormones!) and having two young kids (mama bear protection). Ugh, I hate them. I hate everything about them. The red hourglass on their belly says, "count the seconds you have before you die after I bite you". Their bulbous butt and their pointy sharp legs and their blackest of black color. Damn, everything about them is scary. Oy. I hate them.
My son pronounces "spiders" as "biters". Enough said.
PS - if anyone leaves a comment about how much they love black widow spiders I will likely wind up visualizing you as one giant black widow spider and I'll fear/hate you too. Cuz I'm crazy like that.
