Amber Dusick

Black Widow Spider Anxiety

Black widow spiders.  I hate 'em.  We have them at our new house and lots of them.  They breed in the Ivy patch (which we're ripping out this weekend) among the moving related trash that has accumulated on the side of our house (being hauled away tomorrow) and as if that wasn't bad enough, I found one in the closet under the stairs in the house two days ago.  In. My. House. 

While finding a black widow spider under the stairs sounds appropriately cute and spooky around Halloween, I am not amused.  In fact, I'm feeling downright psychotic over this.  Like, real, palpable anxiety over it.  I hallucinate seeing them.  When I walk in a room I look in every corner.  When I pick something up off the floor I shake it.  I'm afraid to unpack boxes that have been sitting in the garage because I'm certain a widow is hiding in it.  In fact, I don't like to even go in the garage.  Or in the yard.  If I see another one in the house we'll have no choice.  We'll have to burn the house down.  

Do I sound crazy?  I do, don't I.  I can't have arachnophobia if I only fear black widows, can I?  Other spiders are downright cuddly compared to these poisonous widow bitches.  I just fear the widows.

Yes, I know they aren't trying to hurt me.  They are solitary, non-aggressive and don't move around much.  Only the adult females are poisonous.  Yes, a single bite from one can kill a person but yes I know that nobody has died from a bite in the US for 10 years.  However, I also know this is because when people have symptoms after being bitten they go to the hospital.  I don't wanna go to the hospital or bring my kids to the hospital because we dared to play in the yard!             

We've always been a "catch the spider/bug in a glass and carry it outside" family but not when it comes to these suckers.  These get the boot.  As in smashed with a boot.  I know, I know, I should love all nature's creatures and she is poisonous because she is just trying to protect her young.  But so am I.  The widows gotta go, they aren't welcome here!   

I think my intense reaction over this spider thing is a combo of new house (unfamiliar territory), new baby (hello hormones!) and having two young kids (mama bear protection).  Ugh, I hate them.  I hate everything about them.  The red hourglass on their belly says, "count the seconds you have before you die after I bite you".  Their bulbous butt and their pointy sharp legs and their blackest of black color.  Damn, everything about them is scary.  Oy.  I hate them.    

My son pronounces "spiders" as "biters".  Enough said. 

PS - if anyone leaves a comment about how much they love black widow spiders I will likely wind up visualizing you as one giant black widow spider and I'll fear/hate you too.  Cuz I'm crazy like that.    

   

Calm Moments in The Storm

A storm?  Well, we moved less than two weeks ago.  We have a 3 week old baby.  And a 3 year old toddler.  We are living among towers of boxes.  It is chaos.  

However, every once in a while there is a calm moment.  A still moment where I can see what our days will be like.  I get snippets of what it will mean to be living in our own home and suddenly the clouds part and I can see the sunshine after the storm.  It will come, this chaos is only temporary.  

Our priority was getting the kitchen put together and we're almost there.  Enough "put together" that today I could find things like mixing bowls and baking pans  There was a rare calm moment when baby was sleeping so the boy and I made brownies.  

Brownies made...in our new stove (!) which just arrived.  Isn't she a big beauty?  She promises me that cake mishaps like this will never happen again with her convection goodness.  Actually, this stove was a splurge for my husband who actually does most of the real cooking.  You also get a sneak peek of our kitchen.  I love that retro floor we put in.  Our kitchen makes me so happy right now. 

And so do warm brownies fresh from the oven!  By the way, don't be fooled by my brownie making skills and think that I do this sort of thing all the time whilst taking care of a toddler and newborn and moving all at the same time.  This is a rare occurrence.  So rare and I feel so damn proud of my brownie accomplishment that I decided to blog about it!

Yes, blogs allow such an edited view of life...I hate how they often make mamas look like superwomen.  Who can really take care of a newborn with a handful of other kids while baking fresh bread daily, looking fashionable, sewing baby clothes and doing crafty projects all day long?  Bullshit.  In reality, let me tell you that before today I didn't have time to shower for oh, quite a few days.  Nothing crafty has been done in weeks and the brownies were from a box.  And I'm wearing maternity sweat pants.  I swear. 

A long, meandering way to say that I've been thinking a lot about authenticity and in how people represent themselves online.  This includes how I present myself.  And how to be real.  More later, baby crying!!!

He is finally here!

Our little guy was born on Tuesday!  A little over a week late, he was well worth the wait. 

8lbs, 13oz and 22 inches long

It was a long labor ending with seven hours of pushing.  It was a wild ride, a home birth that transferred to the hospital after three hours of pushing at home (my midwife's max for at home) more pushing in the car where I was determined to have made progress by the time we arrived to avoid interventions (and I did!) and then four more hours of pushing in the midwife unit at the hospital.  The hospital midwives were just as supportive and everyone backed me up to have a natural birth.  At any other local hospital I would have been forced to have another c-section, I really owe a lot to the labor support I lined up.  Heck, I have no idea how I kept going.  I think they made me do it.     

Despite the scene change and against pretty much all odds, I did have an all-natural VBAC!  (not that I wasn't begging for drugs by the end, let me tell you.  Having a baby hurts.  Trying to push out a baby for seven hours really hurts.) 

We went back home just a few hours after he was born and have been busy settling in as a family of four.  We're all in love.  Now please excuse me while I drop off the face of the internet planet for a while.  By the way...we're moving next weekend.  Yes, we are crazy.